I believe I can fly.

The year after I graduate, I am going to visit here:

Moscow

and teach English here:


Czech Republic

I have an awesome sister.

This is what is written on the birthday card she sent to me:

"You are my sister and you are old. I mean REALLY old. Not just the, 'Oh, I'm 18, I can smoke,' but you are 20, not even a teenager anymore! Which seems so weird when I think about it. Although, nothing really new comes with being 20, just the fact that you can say you are completely above me or something - but I am pretty sure you've been saying that already for many years. Well, anyway, I hope your birthday is amazing, and that you love your gift, and get thrown in the fountain. Although you annoy me sometimes, you are an amazing sister and deserve an amazing adult-hood" - Jennifer

Thank you Jennnnny.

The Prophet

a little stream of consciousness poetry to brighten your day:

time is mere, abstract framework
nonexistent
moving bodies
schools of sardines avoiding
the predatory sword
independence is trivial absence of framework
nonexistent
modern symphony
birds, construction trucks, cell phone conversations
ignoring
the pull of silence
noise is nothing.

Because we deserve

This is the self-entitled generation
threshing bitterness
declaring deceit

Because we deserve
more.

Cheating turns to triviality
cursing, conversational formality
hatred, let it flow through
the streets!

Because
we deserve more.

Letting failure let us fail
insisting failure isn't there
Victory at any cost

Because we
deserve more.

Every Blade

Every blade of
brown-green
grass

Holds a memory
bears a secret
unlocks a feeling

Each blade listens
its ears toward the
sky

It knows
it feels
it touches

Human life.

Veil

There are times
when the world is so
lovely
you retreat
when your eyes are so bright
you veil your face
so as to not blind those
who are unaware,
unenchanted
by that magic.

Ode to Autumn's Arrival

Bliss is
sun fire and
autumn whisper
the chasm between
seasons close.

Old City Cemetery

Bodies so ancient,
decayed down to marrow
mere calcium deposits

Jewels hidden beneath
stone, leaves as dead as this
mismatched village of

Warring Americans, witches, noblemen,
teachers, and infants
in their underground rabbit holes

So content, willing the
first leaves of autumn to
toss themselves earthward

In an effort to live
by dying in a patchwork
of sunlight and gray

And we were alive
and these spectres, by way of rustling
Leaves and bird songs, provoked

Us
to really live.

My dorm looks better already.

Just wanted to showcase the beautiful elephant tapestry I bought this weekend and show viewers how my room looks with home accessories! Mary got me The Diving Bell and the Butterfly poster! :)

Samplings from Class Reading

"But if I say, 'I will not mention Him or speak any more in His name,' His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." - Jeremiah 20:9

"Of what paltry worth is human might - yet human compassion is divinely precious." - Abraham Heschel

"And we ought not to listen to those who warn us that 'man should think the thoughts of man', or 'mortal thoughts fit mortal minds'; but we ought, so far as in us lies, to put on immortality, and do all that we can to live in conformity with the highest that is in us; for even if it is small in bulk, in power and preciousness it far excels the rest." - Aristotle

"Therefore, wisdom must be intuition and scientific knowledge." - Aristotle

"And it is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends' sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality." - Aristotle

I'm basically taking the best classes this semester.

For a Time

I've done a lot of inner searching by the way of various personality tests in the past week because my fundamentals of speech class finds it vital to understand oneself before one can understand the way in which one communicates with others in any social environment. I really love it. But what I'm realizing (well, I realized this a long time ago) is how much I overanalyze everything. And the way in which analytical study, though profound at times, can make us miss the small, simple, beautiful details in nature, in people, in improbable friendships. So I wrote a poem about it of course:

Today, I think
that art loses
its magic when it is analyzed
that tree, its limbs bowing
down to the lime of
grass lit by sunlight
is beauty
stop inquiring
into its nature, its past
its meaning
That breathy whistle
is not so much a
melody, a half-hearted
musical attempt
it is that hum of life,
that buzz of birds and
frogs and crickets and
train whistles and the
sound of spinning
rubber on asphalt
But I am a hypocrite
who analyzes everything
and now I hum because
the wind egged me on
and I realize that
with practice
I may perceive and feel
and maybe
cease to think
for a time.

Lakehurst Tourney

Well-dressed gentlemen, outside in summer in hats and shoes.
They stare out onto this carnival plain like water buffalo
over untread rice fields
Bright green hopes, awaiting glory
A contrast in expression and demeanor
How normal that while one anxiously wills himself to foresee his success,
the other leans back, a contented smile
drawn like string cheese across his
pruny cheeks, a Biblical
Mary and Martha at the Lakehurst tournament
I struggle to choose between old Harry and Claude
Like choosing a house or a husband or shoes
I want to walk with them, ask
Claude why he leans,
ask Harry why he smiles.
Like Claude, I grow anxious
Will I be immortalized in a painting like him, and
even then,
have no time for a string cheese smile to
peel across my pruny cheeks?

Pardon me for how much this poem struggles. It was a difficult assignment, using phrases from an existing poem and drawing inspiration from a painting at the FSU Fine Arts Gallery.

Thought for the Day

As I walked back from class this morning, I recognized a couple that lived in my dorm last year. They've been together for at least two years. And I was thinking to myself, how lovely it must be to have that companionship; that's something everyone wants. But then I stopped and really thought about it. What makes that relationship so much more enviable than those relationships with loyal, loving friends or with family? If we stopped thinking about what we didn't have, if we started seeing what we do have, wouldn't that be enough to be content?

I feel like everyone I know is searching for a soulmate. But we have so much to be thankful for. Even outside the relationship sphere, people covet others' goals, talents, styles. We get so wrapped up in what we wish we were that we forget who we are. But it pays to be thankful for who we are in this moment: our flaws, our insecurities, but mostly our friends, activities, living situations, opportunities, and the love available to us in God and in others.

The water that pours from the faucets in my dorm is cloudy. But I can rest in the confidence that it is far cleaner than water in less fortunate parts of the world. And clean water is readily available to me within a leisurely walking distance.

I have so much and still I want more. I think that desire for more is really a desire for perfection, perfection that is unattainable on this earth because it does not exist in this place.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Cor 13:12)

We have to wait it out. In the meantime, let's hope for the things that will truly make us better. Let's appreciate the things that make our lives so precious, that give our meager bodies and weak minds purpose.

Hurricane

Overnight, without warning, the good adversary knocked at her door*
He came in unceasing torrents
as the leaves fell into a rain dance
that had been going on for centuries
praising the thickening clouds
the foreboding sky
Screaming, pushing the air
in an effort to escape tree limbs
From the cavern of her room, lit only by
strobes of light that rattled her windows
She saw him but did not answer
And, in time, he departed
The leaves losing their stamina
The night losing its shade
Waiting
For he would knock again.

*Line from Jane Cooper's Long Disconsolate Lines

Revelation in Homework Assignments

I've been reading parts of the Old Testament's prophetic accounts for my Hebrew Prophets class and some of it is awesome. The faith, even the struggles and complaints of the prophets are encouraging.

For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. (Hosea 6:6)

God wants us to know Him. And to really know Him fills us with the inexpressible understanding of His unconditional love.

You must not be partial in judging: hear out the small and the great alike; you shall not be intimidated by anyone, for the judgment is God's. Any case that is too hard for you, bring to me, and I will hear it. (Deuteronomy 1:17)

Bias always gets in the way of understanding people. We choose who we immediately like. But we are called to practice compassion impartially. And when the task becomes too great, God's got it.

...Turn to the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul. Surely, this commandment that I am commanding you today is not too hard for you, nor is it too far away. It is not in heaven, that you should say, "Who will go up to heaven for us, and get it for us so that we may hear it and observe it?" Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, "Who will cross to the other side of the sea for us, and get it for us so that we may hear it and observe it?" No, the word is very near to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart for you to observe. (Deut 30:10-14)

We start to wonder where God is, where His truth lies. So we leave a place of contentment and peace and wander without direction, hoping understanding will hit us someday. We must understand that turning to the Lord, really following Him, starts in the heart and that power flows through vocal cords and out our mouths, bringing hope to ourselves and revelation to others.

For what other great nation has a god so near to it as the LORD our God is whenever we call to him? (Deut 4:7)

We follow an imminent God. He's not a friend to take for granted. He demands reverence, but above all, He longs to enfold us in His love.

God is not a human being, that he should lie, or a mortal, that he should change his mind. Has he promised, and will he not do it? Has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? (Numbers 23:19)

He's dependable. He's intelligent. He holds our confidence and refuses to disappoint us.