New Year's Resolutions.

1. No online shopping (if you can find it at a store locally): you have to pay shipping charges and it's too much trouble to return something you decide you don't want.

2. Seriously restrict facebook-ing. It wastes time.

3. Do yoga or jog. Move around a little more.

4. Attend church more regularly.

More to come (maybe?)

6/11/07

I wrote this in 2007, but its still describes the yearning to write, and the frustration of writer's block:

These years have stripped
away my energy
the angle, the words
corralled together into what
some like to call art
the romance died with the
first failed rhyme
the story left unfinished
the essay without conclusion
tumultuous change
whipped about like warm
clothes in the dryer
only to be wrenched out to
repeat the cycle
the world hardens us
but we must not ignore
the written word
calling, crying, begging
to serve a higher purpose
art.

Expectations.

Is there anyone out there who isn't a little disappointed with life's outcome? As each year of college passes, I grow a little more uneasy, disenchanted, despairing.

I had ups and downs in high school. But everything was simpler. And being young and dependent left me free to dream about my marvelous future. Don't get me wrong, my life isn't bad. But I'm never truly at ease with my circumstances. Maybe I'm ungrateful. But I had such high expectations going into college of studying abroad, getting in shape, working toward something meaningful. The closer I get to complete independence, the more I feel like fleeing from it. How does anyone with decent goals and expectations meet those expectations in a life full of messy relationships, stress, rearrangements, and impossible decisions to make?

I want my life to be enjoyable, peaceful, exciting, meaningful. Am I asking too much?

Planz.

I've been thinking I could probably graduate a semester early, especially now that I don't intend to double major. I could finish a linguistics and English minor by next Fall. Of course, I have no idea what I would do with myself afterward.

It's all about opportunity cost. Is it benefiting me to stay in school an extra semester? I think I would like to look into getting a teacher certification, but I'm not exactly sure who or what I should teach.

Mary thinks I should go to seminary and become a pastor. I think I've always felt compelled toward that career and life choice, but it's also very scary. How do you lead people if you don't have a firm set of ideologies and doctrinal beliefs? Then again, maybe it would be useful to be a pastor who encourages discussion rather than following a list of human-made Christian expectations.

I dunno. We'll see what becomes of my life these next few years. Marriage, graduation, entering the work force. It's sure to be exciting.