relationships

It bothers me a lot that people my age don't take relationships seriously, or if they do, don't truly stand firm in helping anyone else do the same. I definitely think there is more gray area than people like to let on when it comes to taking personal and physical steps in a relationship, but we have to stop pretending like we're all experts in our own lives and start paying attention to what research, and solid relationships, tell us about building solid relationships.


When I first met Daniel and started to fall for him, I listened to a podcast and did some research on the chemicals of love and commitment. I credit those things, not necessarily with making my relationship succeed, but with keeping me grounded. Why do I feel an urgent need to be around him every day? Oh, the norepinephrine. Why do I feel such bliss in his embrace? The dopamine. For some, this takes all the romance out of falling in love. For me, it was reassurance. I knew why I was going crazy. I also knew that when the surge of these chemicals subsided, it didn't mean I no longer loved Daniel, it just meant that the 18 month period of crazy had settled us into a happy relationship.


Because I was still in school and lived on campus when we got engaged, and because it really never crossed my mind, we didn't consider moving in together. But I had done my research anyway, and the results weren't pretty. As it turns out, living together no longer necessarily signals early divorce - but only if a significant commitment, such as engagement, has been added to the mix. When both parties are clueless about their future together, things begin to go awry.


That's not to say that people shouldn't be allowed to make whatever decisions they want, or that not reading up on hormones will ruin a relationship, but I think when it comes to building any relationship that could have a tremendous impact on our lives, we better think things through and not let hormones, or convenience, be our primary guides.


(Just to clarify, this post was inspired by several separate events and experiences. No single individual is meant to be targeted. On a related note, we have to stop portraying our relationships as rainbow bubbles of mushy love, to begin to convey realistic experience with its wonderful ups and also its downs - I think it's potentially harming those who are currently looking for love, but that's for another post, I guess.)