Hurricane

Overnight, without warning, the good adversary knocked at her door*
He came in unceasing torrents
as the leaves fell into a rain dance
that had been going on for centuries
praising the thickening clouds
the foreboding sky
Screaming, pushing the air
in an effort to escape tree limbs
From the cavern of her room, lit only by
strobes of light that rattled her windows
She saw him but did not answer
And, in time, he departed
The leaves losing their stamina
The night losing its shade
Waiting
For he would knock again.

*Line from Jane Cooper's Long Disconsolate Lines

Revelation in Homework Assignments

I've been reading parts of the Old Testament's prophetic accounts for my Hebrew Prophets class and some of it is awesome. The faith, even the struggles and complaints of the prophets are encouraging.

For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. (Hosea 6:6)

God wants us to know Him. And to really know Him fills us with the inexpressible understanding of His unconditional love.

You must not be partial in judging: hear out the small and the great alike; you shall not be intimidated by anyone, for the judgment is God's. Any case that is too hard for you, bring to me, and I will hear it. (Deuteronomy 1:17)

Bias always gets in the way of understanding people. We choose who we immediately like. But we are called to practice compassion impartially. And when the task becomes too great, God's got it.

...Turn to the Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul. Surely, this commandment that I am commanding you today is not too hard for you, nor is it too far away. It is not in heaven, that you should say, "Who will go up to heaven for us, and get it for us so that we may hear it and observe it?" Neither is it beyond the sea, that you should say, "Who will cross to the other side of the sea for us, and get it for us so that we may hear it and observe it?" No, the word is very near to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart for you to observe. (Deut 30:10-14)

We start to wonder where God is, where His truth lies. So we leave a place of contentment and peace and wander without direction, hoping understanding will hit us someday. We must understand that turning to the Lord, really following Him, starts in the heart and that power flows through vocal cords and out our mouths, bringing hope to ourselves and revelation to others.

For what other great nation has a god so near to it as the LORD our God is whenever we call to him? (Deut 4:7)

We follow an imminent God. He's not a friend to take for granted. He demands reverence, but above all, He longs to enfold us in His love.

God is not a human being, that he should lie, or a mortal, that he should change his mind. Has he promised, and will he not do it? Has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it? (Numbers 23:19)

He's dependable. He's intelligent. He holds our confidence and refuses to disappoint us.

Red Patent Plastic

Red patent plastic
Scuffed at the heel
and the big toe on
the right shoe
A thin layer of dust
along the inside
The pressure of a foot
grinding this compilation
of organic ashes
ever farther into
well-worn fibers
Oh, the dischordant harmony
of man-made materials
and history in a medium of backyard
Dirt
Blending the facets of modern existence
Rendering them inseparable
Nothing remains of the purity.
Twenty-first century dirt, muddied
By hoity toity patent plastic.

Haiku

The fountain is dry
Water fails to trickle from
Concentric Circles

The world is awake
Red-cheeked and dehydrated
Slow down for awhile

The palm trees are still
Staying cool in humid air
Planted, immobile

A boy I know sits
Pondering this world's facade
Something lies deeper

The sun is not high
It scorches epidermis
What power it holds

Looking In

Things I learned about myself today:

I am capable of having a panic attack.

I will shut down after too much stress.

Pursuing a Graduate degree in Religion may not be my calling if it means sacrificing all other interests, passions, as well as intellectual, social, and ministerial pursuits to compete effectively in academia.

Music means more to me than I understand. And being rejected and refused by FSU's music school and its affiliated programs has disappointed me more deeply than I would like to believe.

I just want to change people, live communally, make a difference. But God clearly articulates a message of peace: "My child, you are doing more than you know."

Sufjan Stevens and I are soulmates.

I run away from my problems. I take the easy way out.

I am intimidated by the young men in my life who could spur me on most effectively in my relationship with Christ. I settle and then wonder why I am disappointed.

Life's Color

Today I began my first day of "Poetic Technique." So far, I love its unconventional classroom approach (we sit in a circle of desks) and my professor's emphasis on taking "field trips" to fuel expression. Here's what I wrote today.

Yellow is
The dying leaves on a poster in the hall,
Promising fall's arrival,
Recalling the bliss of cool, dry air.
The hardcover poetry book displayed prominently
in a yellow sea of classroom doors.
It is the sun that streams through the window and into my eyes
after reflecting off rain-drenched, collegiate brick.
The tattered folder that hurries past under arm,
mimicking caution tape and mud-worn tractors
the omens of beauty to come in the midst of chaos
It is mustard, unused this morning, at the hot dog stand.
It is the plaid sweater, unworn, in blistering humidity.
It persists in ugliness, it insists on purity.
It is hope.

What a Life

As I write this, I sit in my posh, apartment-style living quarters in the ghetto of FSU. Two days in Tallahassee, it's already been a whirlwind of unexpected, sometimes startling moments:

My family and I had originally planned on leaving around 9 am Wednesday, but instead we headed out at 6:30 am with my sister and her friend in tow. It seems the hurricane has no respect for travel plans so we thought we'd get an early start. When I got to Rogers and unlocked the door to my room, my soon-to-be roommate promptly and bluntly informed me that there was no possible way I could live there since she had paid for a single room. After seeking aid at the front desk and confronting her problems, I decided (and thankfully the hall supervisor agreed) that I should transfer rooms to avoid my would-be roommate at all costs.

The room isn't new or even clean. But it has a small living/dining area, a kitchenette, bathroom, and large closet in the bedroom. It needs more work, but a little decorating and strenuous scrubbing may make it mildly charming.

I spoke with a man selling posters in the Union about his jail days (he only committed minor infractions, he assured me). I went to see a French Boys' Choir with a friend I randomly met this summer and who just happens to attend the church my favorite teacher, Dr. Shaftel, attends. I met a girl who is quite possibly in my Hebrew class this semester. I got locked out of my residence hall sometime after midnight last night and trekked around the entire building seeking an open door until a confused student let me in. I bought 13 books for my classes and walked cross-campus at least 3 times so far. And I inexplicably found it impossible to get internet in the room. After about an hour of trouble-shooting, a friend recommended I restart the computer.

Voila! Here I am now, enjoying the intrigue of the virtual world.

If my year is anything like the past two days, it's bound to be interesting.